Skip to main content

Are you being served?

I have an impressive list of workplaces from the last 16 months in London, the Evangelical Alliance, Transport for London, the Victoria and Albert Museum, Drake International, Avanti Architects and now Elizabeth Arden.

This week I started out on my three month contract as an Elizabeth Arden counter dolly and it has been an eye opener. The entire arrangement fell into place because of a throw away remark made by the London Area Manager. Alison and I were exchanging banter and she asked me why I couldn’t come and work for her. When I told her my contract with Head Office was up in five days, she rushed the whole thing through in a week and I was a consultant – all rouged up and ready to go.

The two interviews, one with her and one with the store turned out to be mere formalities. The interview with Alison was an amusing one, as she told me she loved the hair, loved the eye makeup and loved me. I just had to lose the tongue stud and start wearing lipstick. The lipstick rule is actually the hardest part as I am a lip balm girl by choice. The ritual of lip liner, first coat, blot, second coat, blot, lip gloss, check teeth, reapply after tea breaks and lunch is slowly being ingrained as habit.

The store interview with the supposedly Nazi style supervisor was a shoo-in and I even made two sales as I sat on the counter doing my application.

A week into it and it is still like a game for me. I get to give out gifts and samples, unpack huge orders of expensive creams and perfumes and stand in a smart suit and full makeup amongst the beautiful smells and pretty faces of the Perfumery. It is certainly not a place I would ever have considered I would end up, but it is vastly entertaining and far more interesting than the office.

Quite apart from my pure joy at being back selling things, I have discovered that I have quite an advantage over the other consultants. I have a work ethic, I have a real sense that the customer is there to be served, and not ignored, and I have the happy knack of flirting outrageously and with tangible monetary rewards.

I have had customers so pleased with my service they hugged me, offer me free run of their own shops and I have even been invited to a party by a glamorous but shrewd Iranian who tried to drive a hard bargain and was so charmed by my smiling stonewalling that we ended up giggling together like girls.

It is long hours, sore feet and no weekends, but the business of selling dreams and making people laugh was never going to be a walk in the park.

Popular posts from this blog

Textbook

Trust me, they know the climate science Let’s imagine for a moment that the 1% of Australia, with their university degrees, access to the best climate science and neoliberal think tank papers and their dominance in politics, were acting in rational self-interest. They know that the water and energy wars are coming and they have a country with unique assets: No land borders Renewable energy resources Space and minerals Industries that specialise in extracting minerals Industries that can be turned to R&D and manufacturing An education system to get citizens to the point of carrying out necessary R&D And a politically apathetic population that believes whatever the politicians tell them through monopolised and crippled information outlets. To be honest, if I were a conservative politician in Australia (and the way I was brought up, I may as well be), this is what I would do to ensure my political and social survival: I would claim the government didn’t believe i...

Full Contact Origami

When I was a secretary at ADI, spending my days: a) writing up tutorials for my Uni course, b) having countless running email conversations with workmates and Kristen in Canberra, and c) not really doing anything I had a vast word file of all the jokes I had ever received. I am sure I have it SOMEWHERE in my box of important papers, but this one, recently sent to me again, was one of my all time favourites. I use the phrase ‘full contact origami’ all the time, usually during my ‘torment a barfly’ routine during which I tell sozzled Lotharios that I am a retired World Bootscooting champion who is looking to move into acting in karaoke video clips and was born on Ayers rock because my mum wanted me to channel Azaria Chamberlain’s spirit. Blessed are the jokers, because they will get mates rates at the bar in heaven. The following was published in The New York Times. This is a NYU college admissions application essay question, and an actual answer written by an applicant: Qu...