So, the roundup from last week; all the songs reached the Top 20 in iTunes and the results of the votes for Team Keith and Team Joel are coming in. And Seal and Delta are going to sing their trademark songs with their Teams! Wheeeee. Oh no, Host is Not in Suit of Sex. It is a Sweet Suit though ... Seal is in Black, Joel is dressed as an Amish Man, Delta is in White and Keith is Skyping It In from the US!
Team Keith's winners by Australian Public Vote are The Man with the Velvet Voice, Darren and The Interchangeable Blonde (her dress really is good), Brittnay. Keith hates that he is not there for his Team, but he loves them all and feels very close to them. Keith picks The Greek Goddess Diana, and The Shy Boy Adam. That strange man, Jimmy, is leaving ...
Team Joel is up next and Big Red (that hair!) gets in with Australia's Vote - PHARQUE - the power of the Screaming Girls of Australia gets Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson in. Sigh. Joel then selects Ben (he has no nickname for some reason, is that a good thing or a bad thing?) and Australia's Beyonce, Prinnie. I am sad that Laura has gone, she was different.
The Other Sebastian has allowed someone to Intervene with His Hair (it's better, but not best) but he has gotten to do a REALLY good song (I Can't Stand The Rain) and Keith is awesome from the other side of the world (I love you Keith). Delta is blah, Joel is tip-top and points out Chris didn't have to move, just sing. I liked that about the performance. Seal thinks that The Other Sebastian sang the song better than he, Seal, did when he covered it. Chris and Seal made love to each other, Man. The SWISSE advert starring Delta that play in each break are ridiculous.
The Singing Teacher needs to dial back her 'I'm Older Than The Rest' schtick. Oh no, someone thought Sexy Woman style meant getting in Ricki Lee Coulter's stylist. Why does The Voice's stylist seem only to style the young ones with a smidgin of style? (please note only a smidgin) She is sweet, but not a star.
YAY! The Girl Who Makes Seal Dance is singing The Look of Love (a great song choice for two of her judges) The styling, oh god preserve me, are the stylists on crack? That voice of hers is marvellous. HAHAHAHAHAHA, oh Seal, you stuck both fingers in your mouth to wolf whistle and I just went somewhere else in my mind. Joel called her voice vintage, which is a pretty good call, but the stylist keeps listening to him. Seal is divine to her, as always. Seal makes love to her, etc etc.
Delta has The Russian singing Smells Like Teen Spirit and she is dressed like the Sexiest Mermaid Ever and her voice and arrangement would have you diving right off your sleek Greek Galley to swim frantically to the rocks below her to throw yourself upon her voice. Keith didn't get it (Keith, you make me sad) and Delta just totally took credit for most of the moves Victoria did on stage. What now? The trick is not to be too clear on what YOU did Delta ...
Ego Stroking Time Now, Team Seal singing Kiss From A Rose (they have new clothes, thank god) and when Seal's voice comes in I genuinely get a shiver. The Team is doing well. Very Well. WHY ARE THEY STILL PUTTING KARISE IN FORMAL GOTH WEAR? I am ready to throttle that stylist tonight. Nice performance, Seal takes a lot of the attention, real performers can't help turning others into Backup Singers it seems.
Delta's Backup Singer is doing Closer and Delta has created some AMAZING staging and finally he is FUCKING SINGING, GO GLENN! I think I may have gotten on board with Delta with what she has just done for him. Hugs for Delta. Props for Glenn (and his one awesome dance move that The Host wanted to see) Keith stood up to demonstrate why the only reason he didn't stand was because we would not have seen him on the webcam, and we got a great shot of his Calvin Kleins. Oh Keith. Oh Nicole ... DELTA RAVED, bless her. And Glenn said Happy Birthday to one of the techies. GOOD MAN THAT MAN. Much hugging and laughing with Delta. Seal tries to bond with Glenn, Delta drags him away and SEAL TELLS DELTA TO SIT DOWN. I am Team Delta on this one, Glenn is hers, not yours, you, you, you NATIONAL BICYCLE, Seal.
Ah, Seal's pretty little girl (previously called The Diamond/Feather Girl) has unveiled yet another stunning song in Ave Maria. Her voice and range is pristine. PRISTINE. I am calling her The Saint now. Seal scored some points off Delta and Keith regarding backup dancers (although for this song he had a HARP onstage for chrisssake) and then did his thing. HE KISSES HER!
The Angel from Team Delta is singing Someone to Watch Over Me. She sounds like she is twice her age. At least she is not in a dress that is for a woman twice her age (clever move stupid stylist). Now, I see what Delta is TRYING to do, but little Rachel should be sticking to age appropriate songs methinks. Keith thinks her voice is mature, thick and creamy. Now I want to eat some Triple Cream Brie. Is that wrong of me? Delta takes some credit again. Stop it Delta, your singers are doing well enough as it is.
Seal's girl with the Tremendous Voice is finally NOT IN GOTH GLAM ridiculousness and singing Landslide. She is in Tribal Glam (so original stupid stylist). Her voice is utterly unbelievable sometimes, she sounds like the friend you go to see in times of peril to assure you that you will get through. Seal says her 50% is better than most people's 80%. She is the only one who has made me tear up. All my tears dried up when Seal started making a move on my girl in front of the whole nation. I am warning you Seal ...
Now Team Delta is singing Born to Try and Delta is wearing some kind of head/hair piece that is just ... that stylist needs to be slapped right now. Right NOW. The singing is lovely. Delta has a scrunched face when she hits those amazing notes and I am more on her Team than I was before. Well, that is over for another week.