Monday, May 21, 2012

The Voice Live Blog - Team Keith and Team Joel

One of Team Joel had to leave because she had done a Video Clip with Famous Sebastian. Naughty Girls start off the night.

Seal's shirt is open to his navel (and he has fingerless white gloves on! They somehow look as if they attach to his shirt), Joel is going sleeveless again, Delta is finally in something skintight and black with boobs and a ponytail and Keith is being all darling in gray. Cute host in full-on three piece suit.

Results from last week are coming in - Team Seal first. The winners from the Australian Public Votes are the Girl That Makes Seal Dance and The Girl That Needs to be Styled Way Better. Seal nominates (after a lecture) The Diamond/Feather Girl and The Other Sebastian. Team Delta wins The Russian and The Angel through with Australian Public Votes, and Delta (her foundation is too light for her neck, makeup FAIL) decides on The Backup Singer (because he moved Keith to tears) and then, after a really long speech, with The Singing Teacher.

Christ, Team Keith's first, Darren, is giving me goosebumps. His voice is like my favourite quote from Bedrooms and Hallways - a voice that washes over you like a dark, powerful river. He doesn't even need to work the camera, he just sings. Seal is out of his seat to clap, he reckons Darren is a veteran performer. Joel has taken his toothpick out and said that Darren is his favourite performer - cool, smooth, so much swag and women all over Australia are calling Darren 'Daddy' apparently. Delta says something GOOD for once, saying he has a wondrous and childlike quality.

Team Joel is leading with Australia's Beyonce singing Nicky Minaj in an Awesome Emerald Dress. She is very good, but not perfect (or the sound for her is super dodgy) and I am, oh, hang on, she amped it up (or the sound engineer got his act together). Delta likes her 'laneway'?? (genre I think) and Joel thinks she owns her slice of the show.

Shy Boy of Team Keith is singing Lonely Boy (I need to flag that the host has a Suit of Sex on right now) and Shy Boy has the Voice of Sex (and Keith needs some Sex Props too for the song choice and arrangement) and I need that version of Lonely Boy STAT for the next time I am entertaining. Joel is SOOOOOOO bored, he looked as if he was going to go to sleep. Shy Boy made us WORK for the last line, bloody good job. I am super impressed. SEAL HAS TAKEN OFF HIS JACKET and the shirtsleeves ARE attached to the fingerless gloves. His clapping in muffled by this strange design choice. Keith has emphasised that Shy Boy will not be a Lonely Boy for long. It turns out that I agree, although he is very quiet in interview.

A break out on Team Keith, who call themselves Family Keith, and they 'have a light about them'. Seal AND Keith as Messiahs on The Voice? There is room for only one ...

Up next is Team Joel's Big Red (her hair makes me really, really happy) (hehehehehe, they just edited the show wrong, they used a clip of the Host in the Suit of Sex announcing another artist! Live is so much fun). Big Red is wearing a FABULOUS Galaxy dress and Joel is out of his seat pumping the air - she has a friggin' galactic voice. ALL the judges are out of their seats. (Host in the Suit of Sex apologies for wrong introduction). Delta raves on, Joel can't sit down, Host in Suit of Sex interrupts Delta, then Joel takes his justly deserved laurels. Big Red blew Joel's mind.

I really don't get the next singer from Family Keith. So I am going to have try to ... nope, don't like his voice at all. Nope. Strange legs, strange hair. Neither are working as they are styled at the moment. Sigh. Going to have a bit of a break.

I am getting EVEN MORE FOND of Joel Madden because he seems to be a fabulous coach. Just as the Host in the Suit of Sex has fabulous legs. Joel’s next singer is ... well ... I am watching instead of typing. Hello Ben. HELLO BEN. Delta is standing for Ben. Joel thinks he is a sweet, nice, honest dude. I like you Joel, you give your team really good songs. Joel can spot himself a popstar for sure.

The Host in the Suit of Sex is doing a bit of an “Angelina” with his intros - although I am not complaining per se at the position of his legs. Keith is sending out that delightful, delightful Social Worker with the smile that lights up entire city blocks. THERE ARE LITTLE KIDS GETTING OUT OF THE AUDIENCE TO DANCE ON STAGE WITH HIM! Delightful. I think he must work at a Church too, because he works the stage like an Evangelical Pastor. Seal didn't like the little dancers, Joel is outraged that Seal didn't love the little dancers. Keith finally showed some claws telling Seal he was "Sorry it was so entertaining Seal!" I love Sassy Keith. More Sassy Keith please, also, more Evangelical Pastor Social Worker please.

Oh my, the Classically Trained girl on Team Joel is singing Goyte, good luck. She has a seriously unique voice, and some pretty amazing trousers on and bare feet. Good lord. She is channelling Wednesday Addams at a Summer Camp Talent Show. WAAAAAAY too out of the mainstream. Delta is not convinced. Joel rightly points out that she is so very different, and it is his Star Spotting instinct that is right on, she is not for THIS competition, but forget Laneways, she has entire Boulevards available to her with that style. Seal is telling her that she PERFORMED, that everything else is just noise. She has SO much a good Producer could work with.

Keith. Keith. You are lovely. WHOOT! Little Woman who Looks like a Greek Leah Michelle is in an amazing salmon oversized suit jacket and cropped pants with white shirt and black bow-tie outfit. She is magnificant, and there is no end to her range. Judges are standing, crowd has exploded. Delta raves. Keith is lovely. Again. He is so proud.

Joel's Edward Cullen (another pretty boy who does not know how to interview) is on next doing one of my very favourite songs. Oh Laken. No, you sound like you in pain. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY FAVOURITE SONG? Damn you Edward Cullen you destroy so many things - literature, romantic heroes, Cedric Diggory, Youth Group - WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I CANNOT DISTINGUISH BETWEEN EDWARD CULLEN THE BOOK CHARACTER AND ROBERT PATTINSON THE ACTOR? Stephanie Meyer you are the devil incarnate.

Seal does not think that Laken worked his ass off like Seal does when he performs, especially with all the energy that Screaming Girls can provide. Screaming Girls are the new power in the world. Screaming Girls can make Laken’s song from the Battles Number 3 on the iTunes charts for heavens sake. Screaming Girls can make Edward Cullen bigger than Fitzwilliam Darcy. If this is what Feminism got us, I want off the boat. I mean, as Louise said today – “Seal with an otter. Seals eat otters. Man Flesh Seal with an otter. Oooooooooohhhhhhh.” Do you get what I am saying?

Keith's sweet Interchangeable Blonde is up doing a lovely job, being The Angel of this round in a great dress but I can’t concentrate on the song. I am sure she was lovely. Delta says something. Seal likes her thanking her band. Keith likes her thanking the band too. Good work Well Mannered Blonde. Finished!

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