Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Diamonds are for Lizzie

Having really enjoyed Live Blogging with Guests for The Voice, I sat on Facebook for four hours and let anyone say anything about the Diamond Jubilee Concert. It was fun. Below are the best bits in my humble opinion.

C + M: the queen is known to recycle outfits rarely (due to global financial crisis), but always has the same hand bag - i think she may have a gun inside? - She's So Mall ... it's Pandemonium in Pall Mall as Her Majesty drops two of the attackers before the Horse Guards even get their spurs into the flanks of their Chargers ...

C: ROBBIE! The crowd will always go crazy for Robbie. He is kinda going Eminem right now. I can only think of a night in Kingston at McCluskys and the boys going crazy when a Robbie song came on, leaving the girls and and dancing with their arms around each other. Robbie! Prince Edward loved Robbie. Rob Brydon you legend, the man that I quote almost as much as Shakespeare. Rob doing Tom Jones! Shout out to the mighty Welsh! Haaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrry! Can you imagine how hard it must be to try and work out what jokes you CAN make at such an occasion? Lee Mack just checked Prince Harry's reaction to his Prince Harry joke, AND HE MADE A MAD KING GEORGE JOKE. Lee Mack, you have balls.

C + S: Young Royals texting during Sir Cliff. Tsk. One should not do that, he's a Sir - Sir Cliff's little pelvic thrust at the end, he should not do that, he's a Sir - I think it is a Pelvic Gesture of Respect to the Fecundity of the Royal Personage and her Personification of the Land. Because he is a Sir.

C + F: Speaking of fecundity, that delightful singer on now is making me think of things that need to be unbuckled ... Like suits of armour. Western buckles. Army uniforms. OH MY GOD! Who is HE????? - Swing those hips opera man! - WHO IS HEEEEEEEE??????? He is my new imaginary boyfriend. Harry looks jealous. Jimmy! Jimmy Carr!

F + C: Oh I've been waiting for this one... Hula hooping space woman from the planet oil - That Woman Clearly Needs To Be Our Galactic Ambassador - And she surely deserves an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records for singing and hula hooping - The Royal Family is stunned, all open mouthed. I reckon footage of this will make it onto the Windsor Famliy 2012 Christmas DVD, seeing as Grandma is missing it ... - Is she made of plastic? - She is Made of Awesome. And they oiled her up so the sweat didn't show - Gives new meaning to the song 'When I'm 64' ... Can Sir Paul hula hoop and sing simultaneously? - Sir Paul has someone to do that for him ...

C + F: MIRANDA. Christ I love Miranda. Harry joke. Another Harry joke. Please marry Harry Miranda, because I cannot make it happen at the moment. Because I have my eye on Ed. Redheads. C'mon, how cute are British Redheads? Sigh - Calm down ... your red head needs to pull his trousers up - Hahahahaha, you know that all the young men of his age need to pull up their trousers en masse.

C + F + D: Harry VERY jealous of other redhead. ANNIE LENNOX! - Wow, she is an angel - She is a One Woman Expression of a Generation - Even the cornrowed drummer has wings! - is this live blogging? I'm in I'm in ! i just woken up after passing out on the ground after see hula hoop lady - and apparently i cant type - Come join us, Annie is singing like an Angel, there are metaphors all over the place and I need another cup of tea. I'm Live Blogging on three TimTams so far ... - I love how the acoustics of this concert separates the real singers from the show ponies - Annie is trashing the stage! Fuckin' aye!

D + F + C: ROLF! i'm a little bit in love with Rolf Harris. just sayin' - Awe Rolf, I love thee - By the way, another cup of Tetley's and a Tunnocks caramel wafer bar for me.

C + F + D: FUCKYEAHTOMJONES! - Hold on to your knickers ladies, there be a welsh boy approaching - TOM JONES! I had a very weird dream about him last night. He is god - Knickers? They evaporated once he started singing. That is one smooth oldie. Look at that coat. Slipping into our Ears and Eyes as Smoothly as the Devil in Velvet Trousers.

F + D + C: Lizzie has ear plugs! - ROBBIE WILLIAMS – Robbiiieeeeeeeee - Lizzie misses Phil :( - ROBBIE! - Oh how I love thee! He does swing so well - Robbie, making the girls swoon since forever - This is going to spark off a robbie obsession this week. oh dear. how i love him... how did i not marry him? - He is the Rat Pack in a Six Pack - Robbie's almost a silver fox - Oh my, Robbie as a full on Silver Fox is something to warm our declining years ...

F + C + D: Who is the red head woman? - I think Rolf said there was a choir of Military Wives? Did I hear right? - So are these women wives of military men, or do they have their own army? - Oh MAN! I hope they are an All Singing All Gary Barlow Owning Army! - A platoon of heeled, hairsprayed femme fatales ready to kill at the point of a hair dryer ... - The Divine Miss B. Ain't she a wonder? - driving overpriced luxury 4wds rather than tanks, completing covert operations on the school run - Or should I call her General Bassey, Leader of the Military Wives? - With her trusty Major Minogue? - Will they fight for us against evil queen grace of the hula hoops?

D + F + C: I'm quiting my job and becoming a hip hop dancer - Can you imagine a Club that plays ONLY Kylie and Robbie? I would be there every week. Now that the Hip-E is not our weekly hangout ...

F + C + E: Have you met Major Kylie's privates? - She is still SO CUTE. And those legs? I would sign up to be her Batman ... Hahahaha, her Privates look like cool dudes ... - I'm studying but I'm having a cup of tea and ginger shortbread made by Prince Charles' company "Duchy Originals" so I'm celebrating the Jubilee in spirit! - I want giant flowers projected onto my house - Prince Charles' biccies are the bomb.

F + C: Not the same without the buckle huh Claire? - That man! THAT MAN! How cute is he? No, but he has a red pocket square just for me. And a three piece Suit of Sex. And proper Virile Hair and Manly Beard. And a voice to melt all inhibitions. Quite cute - Quite a spectacular performance - And the cutest name ever - And his name is Alfie! - Alfie Boe. I know. Oh. I know. They do call me Claire Boe you know ...

C + F: Britain's other favourite Queen! - Sir Elton, need I say more - Do you think he has his own company that makes him his own special sparkle? Because that coat is the best. EVA - Aww, I do like the EWan version of this song. Mainly because it's EWan. Actually he doesn't have to sing the song, EWan alone is enough - Things are always better with EWan.

F + C: Hello Mr Cello player! Camera 1, more close ups of the cellist please? - I missed Cello man - It was a brief but beautiful cameo. Think smooth Italian - Oh, I will think on it. We are having a Tip Top night of Top Totty!

M: thisss going offfffffff. like frog in a sox

C + F: EL-Tons Coat is even better when he stands! Okay, the Club Claire Boe needs to play only EL-Ton, Kylie and Robbie! - Are you singing? I am! Naaaaaaaaaa - Look at the Royals Rocking Out! - And to get rid of everyone at the end of the night Club Claire can bring out Queen Hula Hoop of the Plastic Planet - Kate and Wills are having Royal Fun Times! - Jolly good, was that Fergie I saw behind them? - And THAT is why he is a Sir! Is Rolf a Sir? Can he be a Sir? - CBE AM, not sir - Rolf said Keep Calm and Carry On! Yay!

F + C: Seems a bit odd without U2 playing this song ... I guess it's not the occasion for patriotic Irishmen - They do know how to put together a Good Monarching Montage, Those Brits! Oh, nice point. The Irish part of me is looking away.

C + F: Ah Lenny - Lenny doing Sean. Sexy Overload.

F + C (DANCING): STEVIE WONDER, WE LOVE YOU! - DANCE WITH ME FRANCES! - OH CLAIRE MEMORIES! - WHY ARE WE SHOUTING? :) WE ARE NOT IN A CLUB DANCING TO STEVIE! :) – Hahahaha AWESOME! - MAGICAL! - OOOOOOO - Oh. Yeah. Superstition – YEEEEEEAHH - Please excuse me while I dance ... - Exit of the night: Will.I.Am's side shuffle off the stage! With a tambourine I might add! Meanwhile the other Will bobs his head from side to side - So thankful for a dance to my top song ever. 176 plays on my iTunes. If I could only choose one song for the world it would be Superstition. Lee Mack, you adorable genius.

C: How good are those lights on the Palace? The Flowers were just the beginning ... How did they practise the lights without giving it all away? Genius Gary. Oh. London. I didn't know I'd miss you half as much as I do. Is that Peter Kay? Amazing. The Royals are Fangurling over Peter Kay! Sir Paul is imminent. WINSTON? Destined for greatness from the moment his Mum gave him that name.

C + F: Imagine of all of the Beatles were still alive ... Just imagine the finale of this concert then? All my lovin - Bliss. Dancing again - I have to keep my singing down as I have a sleeping husband nearby ... Although Beatles Rock Band will get a working on the playstation tomorrow! - I have been swinging and funking around my floor in my cons (which have no grip so I am doing the best slides across the room) - I am rocking the PJs and ugg boots look - Let It Be - We only get better at this dancing thing as we get older dude. Can you imagine Club Claire Boe going off? Cups of tea all around and the last hour JUST The Beatles. The last hour being the 11pm to Midnight slot ...

F + C: ‎219 comments ... this is epic - Let it 221B! - Ohhhhhh it's getting firey - Good Lord, Guy Fawkes would be so proud ... - You know who would have been amazing at this concert? Queen. Not just for the irony. Seeing all these greats makes me sad thinking about the greats we have lost - You Speaketh the Truth Late in the Night Communing with Images from our Motherland. Great Truths - WOW. Good ending - Great coat! - Ah and a bit of humor for Sir Paul - Corgi Jokes from Sir Paul. This is a great night - O Bla Dee O Bla Da - Life Goes On! - Ah look at Robbie! - Look at Gary's styles! - Ol Charles ain't bad - Charles is Ok.

Claire: Let's leave it on the sweetness of the crowd roaring for Phil shall we? THANK YOU! It has been Large celebrating this with you Ma'am *bow*

France: The Queen looks rather stunning in gold. Hip hip hoooo-ray for jubilee blog. Thanking you Claire Boe.

Claire: God Save Our Queen!

Frances: Good night fair Claire of the Lawley from Frances of the Goorlie.

Claire: You are marvellous! :)

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